When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize