Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
