Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize