You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
