I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
two words...techno handjob
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Randomize
