the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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