How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
birth control should be required to get into college
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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