if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
