I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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