I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
