and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
