i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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