You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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