You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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