I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
