I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
