I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I party with great urgency now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
