we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize