I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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