I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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