Whatcha textin bout Willis?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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