I accidentally had phone sex last night
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Im part way to drunk.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
