what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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