after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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