you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A bitchslap is in order.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
