I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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