I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
