Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize