Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
