tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
