somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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