tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
