before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How external is "for external use only"?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
