why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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