I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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