While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
