the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
