i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
