She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
