margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
People in love make me want to vomit
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
