Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
