Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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