I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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