Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
