I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
