Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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