I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
