I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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