Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
