I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
