if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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