Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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