i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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