You work out of a Hotel?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
