My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize