so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
