I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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