At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
