bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
