I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
