last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
