Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
