I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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