Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Umm I'm too high to move.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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