Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
