who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
