I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
