she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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